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Funny Quotes And Sayings

Motivational Famous Funny Quotes And Sayings

Funny Quotes:-
funny quotes

Famous Funny Quotes


“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”-George Burns


“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”-Rodney Dangerfield


“He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.”-George Eliot


“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”-Lily Tomlin


“You can’t really be strong until you see a funny side to things.”-Ken Kesey

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“I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.”-Warren Buffett


“I can resist everything except temptation.”-Oscar Wilde


“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”-W. C. Fields


“I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women.”-Louis XIV


“Life is hard. After all, it kills you.”-Katharine Hepburn


Cool Funny Quotes & Sayings 


“I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.”-Mitch Hedberg


“If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.”-Laurence J. Peter


“I find, when you’re an optimist, life has a funny way of looking after you.”-Simon Sinek

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“I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.”-Charles M. Schulz


“I have a wonderful make-up crew. They’re the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.”-Bob Hope


“I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”-Groucho Marx


“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”-Fred Allen


Funny Quotes to Make You Laugh Out Loud


“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”-Rodney Dangerfield


“You’re only as good as your last haircut.”-Fran Lebowitz

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“I love fools’ experiments. I am always making them.”-Charles Darwin


“When God sneezed, I didn’t know what to say.”-Henny Youngman


“I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money.”-Bob Hope


“Instant gratification takes too long.”-Carrie Fisher


“I think the eyes flirt most. There are so many ways to use them.”-Anna Held


“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.”-Mae West


Short Funny Quotes About Life


“I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”-David Lee Roth


“If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.”-Mel Brooks


“I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I’m upside down.”-Mitch Hedberg


“What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise.”-Jerome K. Jerome


“I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.”-Bertrand Russell


“If at first, you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.”-William Lyon Phelps


“If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.”-Joan Rivers


“I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.”-Johnny Carson


“If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.”-Tallulah Bankhead


Famous Funny Quotes About love


“If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.”-Hillary Clinton


“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.”-Robin Williams


“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”-Abraham Lincoln


“If my life wasn’t funny, it would just be true, and that’s unacceptable.”-Carrie Fisher


“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”-Abraham Lincoln


“I failed to make the chess team because of my height.”-Woody Allen


“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”-George Burns


“If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.”-Clint Eastwood


Best Funny Quotes in English


“If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.”-Logan Pearsall Smith


“I’m for whatever gets you through the night.”-Frank Sinatra


“I’m not funny. What I am is brave.”-Lucille Ball


“If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn’t be funny.”-Don Rickles


“I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.”Steven Wright


“In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.”-George Carlin


“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”-Groucho Marx


“It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.”-Arthur C. Clarke


“It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.”-Bill Hicks


“Laugh and the world laugh with you, snore and you sleep alone.”-Anthony Burgess


“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.”-Rodney Dangerfield


Funny  Quotes About School


“Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.”-Jules Renard


“Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we’ll find it.”-Sam Levenson


“Life can be dramatic and funny all in the same day.”-Jennifer Aniston


“I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.”-Stephen Fry


“Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.”-Stephen Hawking


“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.”-Chris Rock


“There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.”-Henry Kissinger


“They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.”-Clint Eastwood


“We are all born mad. Some remain so.”-Samuel Beckett


“Weather forecast for tonight: dark.”-George Carlin


Funny Motivational Quotes of The Day


“I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I’ve ever met.”-Herb Caen


“What do I know of man’s destiny? I could tell you more about radishes.”-Samuel Beckett


“I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.”-Walt Disney


“Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.”-Robert A.”-Heinlein


“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”-Douglas Adams


“You can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make him think.”-Milton Berle


“I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life.”-Karan Patel