Fri. Feb 22nd, 2019
I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life.

Famous Funny Quotes And Sayings

funny quotes

List Of Famous Funny Quotes

 

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”-George Burns

 

“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”-Rodney Dangerfield

 

“He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.”-George Eliot

 

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”-Lily Tomlin

 

“You can’t really be strong until you see a funny side to things.”-Ken Kesey

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“I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.”-Warren Buffett

 

“I can resist everything except temptation.”-Oscar Wilde

 

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”-W. C. Fields

 

“I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women.”-Louis XIV

 

“Life is hard. After all, it kills you.”-Katharine Hepburn

 

Cool Funny Quotes & Sayings 

 

“I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.”-Mitch Hedberg

 

“If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.”-Laurence J. Peter

 

“I find, when you’re an optimist, life has a funny way of looking after you.”-Simon Sinek

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“I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.”-Charles M. Schulz

 

“I have a wonderful make-up crew. They’re the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.”-Bob Hope

 

“I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”-Groucho Marx

 

“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”-Fred Allen

 

Funny Quotes to Make You Laugh Out Loud

 

“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”-Rodney Dangerfield

 

“You’re only as good as your last haircut.”-Fran Lebowitz

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“I love fools’ experiments. I am always making them.”-Charles Darwin

 

“When God sneezed, I didn’t know what to say.”-Henny Youngman

 

“I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money.”-Bob Hope

 

“Instant gratification takes too long.”-Carrie Fisher

 

“I think the eyes flirt most. There are so many ways to use them.”-Anna Held

 

“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.”-Mae West

 

Short Funny Quotes About Life

 

“I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”-David Lee Roth

 

“If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.”-Mel Brooks

 

“I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I’m upside down.”-Mitch Hedberg

 

“What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise.”-Jerome K. Jerome

 

“I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.”-Bertrand Russell

 

“If at first, you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.”-William Lyon Phelps

 

“If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.”-Joan Rivers

 

“I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.”-Johnny Carson

 

“If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.”-Tallulah Bankhead

 

Famous Funny Quotes About love

 

“If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.”-Hillary Clinton

 

“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.”-Robin Williams

 

“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”-Abraham Lincoln

 

“If my life wasn’t funny, it would just be true, and that’s unacceptable.”-Carrie Fisher

 

“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”-Abraham Lincoln

 

“I failed to make the chess team because of my height.”-Woody Allen

 

“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”-George Burns

 

“If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.”-Clint Eastwood

 

Best Funny Quotes in English

 

“If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.”-Logan Pearsall Smith

 

“I’m for whatever gets you through the night.”-Frank Sinatra

 

“I’m not funny. What I am is brave.”-Lucille Ball

 

“If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn’t be funny.”-Don Rickles

 

“I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.”Steven Wright

 

“In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.”-George Carlin

 

“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”-Groucho Marx

 

“It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.”-Arthur C. Clarke

 

“It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.”-Bill Hicks

 

“Laugh and the world laugh with you, snore and you sleep alone.”-Anthony Burgess

 

“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.”-Rodney Dangerfield

 

Funny  Quotes About School

 

“Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.”-Jules Renard

 

“Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we’ll find it.”-Sam Levenson

 

“Life can be dramatic and funny all in the same day.”-Jennifer Aniston

 

“I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.”-Stephen Fry

 

“Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.”-Stephen Hawking

 

“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.”-Chris Rock

 

“There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.”-Henry Kissinger

 

“They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.”-Clint Eastwood

 

“We are all born mad. Some remain so.”-Samuel Beckett

 

“Weather forecast for tonight: dark.”-George Carlin

 

Funny Motivational Quotes of The Day

 

“I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I’ve ever met.”-Herb Caen

 

“What do I know of man’s destiny? I could tell you more about radishes.”-Samuel Beckett

 

“I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.”-Walt Disney

 

“Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.”-Robert A.”-Heinlein

 

“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”-Douglas Adams

 

“You can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make him think.”-Milton Berle

 

“I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life.”-Karan Patel

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