George Carlin Quotes:- George Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, amateur philosopher, author, and social critic. He was known for his black comedy and reflections on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects.
Inspirational George Carlin Quotes
People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.
George Carlin
When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front-row seat.
George Carlin
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
George Carlin
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
George Carlin
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
George Carlin
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.
George Carlin
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
George Carlin
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
George Carlin
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
George Carlin
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
George Carlin
I’m not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose… it’ll be much harder to detect.
George Carlin
When someone is impatient and says, ‘I haven’t got all day,’ I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
George Carlin
When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I’m sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
George Carlin
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
George Carlin
I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.
George Carlin
I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven’t tried that for a while. Maybe this time it’ll work.
George Carlin
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
George Carlin
The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
George Carlin
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire-fighters fight fire what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
George Carlin
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
George Carlin
One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
George Carlin
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
George Carlin
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
George Carlin
Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
George Carlin
Famous George Carlin Quotes
If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
George Carlin
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
George Carlin
I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer’s disease where they slowly began to recover other people’s lost memories.
George Carlin
